Welcome to Riverdead! A Review of Afterlife with Archie

Somebody thought it would be a good idea to take the beloved Archie teens and have them get eaten by zombies. Strangely this formula works quite well. Afterlife with Archie is by far the most disturbing and twisted Archie comic of them all, except maybe for the Archie-Glee crossover, however. If you cherish characters like Jughead Jones, you might want to stay away from this comic because it get’s pretty brutal. Afterlife with Archie begins with a distraught Jughead Jones bringing his injured dog, Hotdog, to Sabrina Spellman (yes that Sabrina), who despite her aunt’s wishes, manages to bring Hotdog back from the dead. As you may have guessed, Hotdog returns as a demented zombie and unleashes (get it?) a zombie plague upon the world. Sure the plot of Afterlife with Archie is your pretty standard zombie story, but watching these normally chipper teens fight off the undead is actually a fantastic change up.

The darker tone of Afterlife with Archie works quite well because it allows all most of the beloved character (those who weren’t eaten) to develop in a way that’s heartfelt.  Characters like Kevin Keller and Reggie Mantle are given some serious edge. Betty and Veronica are still fighting over Archie as usual, but a zombie apocalypse actually manages to add some serious depth to this time old battle. Archie is faced with some serious challenges that make his dilemma of choosing between Betty and Veronica, less superficial. They become his confidants in a time of desperation.

While the long-term fans of the Archie comics might not enjoy seeing their favorite characters get brutally slaughtered on the page, horror fans will find this comic to be especially delicious. Afterlife with Archie shakes things up by combining the sickeningly perfect world of the Archie gang with a nightmare, the result, a badass cornucopia of awesomeness.

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20 Signs That You Are a True Horror Fan

  1. You have seen your favorite slasher films at least a hundred times each.
  2. Some of your favorite authors include Stephen King, H.P Lovecraft and Edgar Allen Poe.
  3. You enjoy watching other people get scared by horror films.
  4. October is just an ordinary month for you.
  5. You have at least one horror movie ringtone on your phone
  6. You know who the real killer was in Friday the 13th (1980)
  7. Your friends think that you are psychic because you always know when a kill is coming.
  8. You are knowledgeable on the subject of “Zombie Apocalypse Survival”.
  9. You know who these people are:                                                                                                                                        nancy                                                                                                                        bruce                                                                                                                                                   Tony-Todd                                                                                                                                       americanhorror
  10. The topic of Serial Killers does not bother you.                                                                                                                  gacy
  11. You know the words to the Freddy Krueger Rope Song by heart.
  12. You own different versions of the same film.                                                                                                                      michael
  13. You were always that one kid who dressed as something scary for Halloween.                                                                  haunted-mask
  14. Growing up you loved shows like Goosebumps, Are You Afraid of the Dark and Courage the Cowardly Dog.              slappycourage                                                                                                               tumblr_mcf8eilYom1qfzgyio1_500                                                                             
  15. Don’t Fear the Reaper is in on your music playlist                                                                                                              
  16. You know to avoid areas with bad cell phone service, not to trust strange voices coming from the woods and to never lose the map.
  17. You frequently debate over which slasher icons would win in a fight.                                                                                  freddy
  18. Pea soup always reminds you of something entirely different…                                                                                          pea-soup
  19. Campfire stories are your thing.                                                                                                                                         
  20. You celebrate holidays differently than other people:                                                                                                                              What Normal People Watch on Saint Patrick’s Day:                                                                                                                           st_patricks_day_parade_2011_sebastien_leprachaun                                                                                                                          What Horror Movie Fans Watch on Saint Patrick’s Day:                                                                                                                     leprechaun                                                                                                                                          What Normal People Watch on Christmas:                                                                                                                                        220px-YWOASCDVD                                                                                                                                                 What Horror Movie Fans Watch on Christmas:                                                                                                                                  215px-Silentnightdeadlynight                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  WARNING: IF YOU ARE NOT EXPERIENCING ANY OF THE SYMPTOMS OF BEING A TRUE HORROR MOVIE FAN PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL ENTERTAINMENT STORE, LIBRARY OR VIDEO STREAMING SERVICE.                                              SIDE EFFECTS OF HORROR MOVIE FREE LIFE MAY INCLUDE: GETTING STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, BEING EATEN BY ZOMBIES AND LEADING A POTENTIALLY BORING LIFE.

I Heart ♥ Horror! The Hilarious If Not Traumatic Tale Of How I Came To Love All Things Horror

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Small children don’t watch horror films for a reason. I have never figured out what this reason is. I have been fascinated with the horror genre since I was three  and no I am not a serial killer. My love of horror began at such an early age. I remember Halloween being a happy time. My father and I would always decorate the house and then go trick or treating, the whole enchilada. Most of my days were spent from 6am to 7pm at a trashy daycare center, which is a very long time for a child to be held captive. I didn’t see my dad a lot because he was busy working towards his next six pack. Halloween was such a happy time for me because it meant that I would be seeing more of my dad, I got to have fun for a change. Daycare sucked, kids were mean, teachers were mean. Halloween was nice.

I freaked pre-school teachers out with my fascination with ghosts and the beyond. I had an imaginary ghost friend, for a month or two. While other kids were obsessed with Teletubbies and The Magic School Bus, I obsessed over Casper the Friendly Ghost and Chucky, mainly because we didn’t have cable, only VHS tapes. I actually ended up being placed with the big kids who came to the after school program, this was so I wouldn’t traumatize the other three year olds.

When I was four, I went to live with my aunt. I still lived in the same town. I ended up switching to a “better” pre-school. I freaked out a very religious teacher by talking about ghosts and she tried to sprinkle holy water on me during nap time to rid me of bad juju. She wouldn’t even let me play with the other kids at times. I didn’t know that I had “abnormal interests”, I was four years old.

My aunt was even surprised when I wanted to go as Ghostface for Halloween, I had gone as Pikachu the year before. Ghostface was a huge step up on the costume ladder. The next year I really pushed my limits by trick or treating as a bloody version of Jason Voorhees. After that Halloween, my aunt decided that I would go as Harry Potter the next year and the years after that.

Me Age 2- Clowns were all the rage in the 90's.

Me Age 2- Clowns were all the rage in the 90’s.

Me Age 3- I sometimes slept in this damn thing.

Me Age 3- I sometimes slept in this damn thing.

Me Age 4- My head was too tiny for this mask!

Me Age 4- My head was too tiny for this mask!

Me Age 5- The people of Salem, MA treated me like a celebrity.

Me Age 5- The people of Salem, MA treated me like a celebrity.

My dad and I sometimes celebrated Halloween when it wasn't Halloween.

My dad and I sometimes celebrated Halloween when it wasn’t Halloween. Notice the authentic beach scenery in the background.

 

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Me Age 6- Oh yeah, my aunt went all out on this one.

And again...

And again…

And yet again...

And yet again…

 

I still saw my dad on weekends. We would spend a lot of time at his friend Mary’s house. Mary had a 14 year old son who liked to beat me up, he was like an older brother to me, not a good one. I beat him up sometimes. He was a horror. Mary’s son would tell me that the boogeyman was gonna get me or Hannibal Lecter was going to eat me, all I could say was “REALLY?!?! WHEN?!?!” .

At Mary’s house I got to watch my first rated-R horror flick and that movie was Hannibal (2001). I was six years old and kind of nervous at first but Mary assured me that this film would be just like the Goosebumps show that I watched on TV. Boy was she wrong! I remember that film quite specifically. The man eating boars, Hannibal eating brains and feeding the brains to a Chinese boy on a plane. It was ten times more graphic than Goosebumps. My tiny child mind kind of got bored, it wasn’t a particularly good film and I fell asleep.

The next week Mary, her son, my dad and I watched Halloween 6. Great parenting Dad, great parenting. But if it weren’t for these movies, I wouldn’t have discovered my love for horror. Halloween 6 was the first horror movie to actually scare me. I was paranoid that Michael Myers was gonna get me. He was the first fictional character I saw going after children. To worsen my trauma, my dad also had many friends that looked like Michael Myers.

I didn’t get to watch anymore movies like that until I was ten. I still had Goosebumps and The Bailey School Kids, but that was all kids stuff. I didn’t get scared by much of the mainstream horror. I was fearless around haunted houses and spooky costumes, because they were just that to me.  I loved it all. I even went to Spooky World when I was in third grade, the lines and Radio Disney were what scared me the most. Of course I wasn’t the only kid who got to watch scary things, but I was one of few so that made me a little tougher than most kids my age.

The moment that really caused me to love horror and slightly hate it, happened one night when my Aunt took me to a Laundromat. She asked me to get something from her car. It was dark, the car was very far away, times were different. I ran as fast as I fucking could to that car because I knew that if I didn’t, Michael Myers was going to get me. Fortunately I survived but the experience left me feeling hollow. It also made me realize that I was actually afraid of something and I didn’t want to be. I immediately begged my dad to rent Halloween for me. I got home, popped it into my VCR and watched it. I loved the movie so much and it had absolved me of my fear. The next weekend I saw Freddy vs. Jason. After that I managed to borrow Nightmare on Elm Street from my local library. No librarian questioned the fact that a 10 year old was renting a rated-R horror film. My math teacher caught me and gave me a stern talking to, I managed to convince her that it was for my dad, which was a lie. My dad was very sick with the flu at the time and I ended up watching Freddy’s first rampage all by myself.

Some people might think that it was crazy for me to watch horror movies at a young age, but I had real horrors to deal with growing up so the horror movies alleviated those challenges. They also inspired me to write a blog. I could go on and on about how much the horror genre has shaped my life for the better. I could never hate horror movies because they helped me get over my childhood fears and they inspired my love of books. Horror movies, no matter what critics and psychologists tell you, aren’t all bad, I turned out fine.

Scooby-Doo Meets the Boogeyman: A Scooby/ Michael Myers crossover

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HADDONFIELD, IL- NOV. 1, 1978 12:01AM
The Mystery Machine in all its glory chugged upon the clean manicured main road of Northern Haddonfield Illinois.The driver of this van, Fred Jones, had his mind fixated on a treadmill of asphalt, the rest of his friends were half asleep, as to be expected. His more than close friend Daphne grasped her hands around the outside of his thigh, he felt much warmer with her touch.
“Gee, that music festival sure was groovy” Daphne said.
She had been feeling quite satisfied with herself this evening. She was carelessly sinking in to the front seat cushion of the van. Fred gave her a slight glance for only a moment, followed by a smirk. He then directed his attention back to the road. Shaggy and Scooby, who were nearly passed out, sprawled themselves across the back of the Mystery Machine’s cold metal floor. Scooby had his head gently tucked into Shaggy’s ribs, he looked like an overgrown cat. Shaggy raised his head slightly and turned himself to Daphne. In faded almost whisper like gruff he responded
“Yeah man, Scooby and I certainly had a good time”.
Shaggy reached from beneath him and pulled out a large bag of Cape Cod chips. For a moment he stared at the bag, dumbfounded, he was expecting the bag of chips to magically open and send the contents flying directly into his mouth. Alas these weren’t magic chips and he no longer had a spell book that could grant him that kind of power. With much forced effort Shaggy pulled the bag of chips open by its seem and fondled a huge handful of greasy goodness into his large mouth. Yellow crumbs dribbled down the side of his face and into his goatee, he didn’t care.
“Hey Velms, did you happen to save some of that…uh… cilantro from the music festival?”
Velma Dinkley, the gangs researcher and forensics expert, had half of her upper torso hanging out the window of the clunky vehicle. She had been gazing a circuit board of dancing stars.
She paused from her star gazing expedition.
“Yeah, I had an entire bag of the stuff” She said.
Shaggy threw his head back and began giggling ververently, he was sure that all the teeth in his mouth would turn to jello and fly away.
“Well Velma, I think Scoob might have mistaken some of your spicy biscuits for Scooby snacks”
“Jinkies!” She said cackling much like that old witch they had unmasked last summer in the bayou.
Up ahead, Freddie saw the road sparkling a familiar, blinding blue and red sensation. This was real, he knew it because he was fully awake and had a much sharper sense of awareness than his friends.
“Shaggy, Scooby, I think you better put away your Scooby Snacks, there’s a police block up ahead.
Moments later they had reached the row of wooden blockades reading “Police Line”. Two officers stood in front of the makeshift gate like Buckingham Palace guards. On the front of one of their jackets was a name tag that read “Officer Roberts”. He had held out his hand as if to emit a forcefield.
“Wait” He said.
The other officer circled the van raising a bright light through each of its windows.
He gave Roberts a thumbs up.
Roberts responded “Okay you’re good”.
“Wait, that’s it?” Fred thought.
Officers normally put up a fight whenever they saw teens out driving at night.
Not a single request to see Fred’s license, or for Shaggy to step out of the vehicle and walk in a straight line. This was unusual but also a blessing. Fred rolled down his window and extended his head out to the officer.
“What’s this all about officer?” Fred asked.
“It’s a police matter, we are not allowed to release much information quite yet. All I know is that a crazy man in a mask is running around town scaring the locals”
A very special look spread across Fred’s face, the gang knew it all too well.
With a glisten in his eyes Fred replied
“Well officer, my friends and I are more than qualified to deal with these types of situations”
The officer looks down at him sternly.
“Not this type of situation kid, this isn’t a children’s detective game” He said.
“I understand officer” Fred responded.
“Stay safe, stick together and don’t go snooping around.”
Fred nodded and slowly rolled the window back up. He continued to drive a couple of feet down the road.
“Well?” Velma said.
“Are we going to do what he said”
“Staying safe, sticking together and not snooping are all phrases that I am not familiar with Velma. It looks we have another mystery on our hands gang.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

What Could These Two Images Possibly Have In Common?

 

 

Blog of Horrors is back from its prolonged spring break (sorry about that, school is hard)

Coming soon: Scooby-Doo meets Michael Myers! 

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An actual crossover between the beloved children’s show and the 1970’s slasher icon. After attending a “music festival” to score some “cooking spices”,  Mystery Inc. encounters a new type of masked foe that may or may not be the recently escaped psycho, Michael Myers. Will Mystery Inc. be able to set a trap for this slasher or will they just add to the growing body count? 

 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Daria Morgendorffer

Buffy Summers has tracked down a vampire all the way to a town called Lawndale. What does this vampire want? Could there be another Hellmouth growing beneath Lawndale High School? Is Lawndale’s Fashion club really a legion of blood sucking vampires? Why is Daria Morgendorffer so unfazed by all this supernatural activity? Why does Jane Lane have the hots for Angel? Find out on the next SICK SAD WORLD!!

Coming up: Horror Death Match#1 Carrie vs. Carrie vs. Carrie vs. Carrie

Coming soon: It’s a HORROR ICON DEATH MATCH! Who would win in a fight, Jason Voorhees (1982) or Jason Voorhees (2009)? What about Freddy Kruger (1984) vs. Mortal Kombat Freddy Kruger or Sleepaway Camp’s Angela Baker (Felissa Rose) vs. Angela Johnson (Pamela Springsteen) ? The first battle will pit 4 renditions of Carrie White against each other, Sissy vs. Chloe vs. Linzi vs. Molly (sorry Angela, you were a little redundant). It’s all about who has the best powers not who played the character better. Keep watching for HORROR DEATH MATCH #1