10 Flaws Scream: The TV Series Needs To Dispose Of If It Wants To Survive The Sequel

When MTV announced that it was making a television series spin-off of the Scream franchise, many fans were excited to see the return of their beloved horror icon, Sydney Prescott as well as Ghostface. However, this never happened as MTV wanted to make it’s own loose adaptation of the movies that had entirely new characters and a new location. Sayonara Woodsboro, hello Lakewood (no resemblance there.) Unfortunately, when the show finally premiered, many of the original fans and critics were severely disappointed. While the show attracted a newer, much younger audience, the were all sorts of flaws that caused the shows already low ratings to plummet even further. Yet somehow Scream: The TV Series was renewed for a second season. In the words of Scream fan favorite Randy Meeks, “There’s a formula to it. A very simple formula!” And if Scream: The TV Series is going to survive the sequel, there are a few certain flaws it needs to give the ax to.

1.Pretentious Violin Music

Who composed the score of this show? Yo Yo Ma? I feel like I’m in a high class art gallery instead of watching a horror tv show. The only horror tv show that can get away with using pretentious violin music is Bates Motel because it’s a show based off of Alfred Hitchcock.  

 

  1. All The Music Actually

Seriously, what the fuck is it with the music of this show? It’s like the creators of the show were browsing through some basic teen girls Spotify playlist and were like “let’s put this in our show because white girls.” Is this supposed to be horror tv show, because it certainly doesn’t sound like it.

 

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Dear lord, it’s even worse than we thought!

 

  1. Social-media References

There are so many references to Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat ect. You would almost expect this show to have been written by Hillary Clinton. We get it, young people are shallow beyond repair and cannot live without technology. Easy there Grandma!

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  1. Bad Dialogue

To quote a famous playwright “Action walks, bullshit talks.” This show’s character spend way too much time telling viewers  what a horror show is supposed to look like rather than taking it’s own advice. Some of the line’s in this show are so awful

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Seriously, stop!

5.Being Cliched

The point of Scream was to subvert the cliches of the horror genre not become one. There is nothing fresh or inspired about this new installment to the Scream franchise other than it being a tv show. One of the worst mistakes in the horror genre is even made by episode 3… killing the “token minority.” Isn’t the point of the Scream franchise to subvert cliches? Guess not. Scream: The TV Series serves as poor remake of the original movie that just drags on forever.

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6.Basic Romance Drama

It wouldn’t be an MTV series without your basic romance drama.  At the beginning of the series Emma finds out her true love Will had slept with their best friend Nina (a month after their freaking breakup. So Emma decides her life is over because her boyfriend is a scumbag. So I guess you could say their breakup was a little messy afterwards and that’s what you missed last time on Glee!  Scream the Tv Series feels like a rehash of Dawson’s Creek or Degrassi what with all this on/off relationship bullshit. We’ve been down this road before and if you watch MTV’s Awkward, you’ve been down this road one…two…err eleven… fuck it I lost count. Hopefully MTV can ditch the typical romance plots and stick to horror because some of us are not as Noah would say “all watching the zombie show to see if the hick and the housewife sleep together.”

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  1. Rich Kid Problems

Yes, because rich white kids are such relatable characters in today’s generation. Why not have a plot where a character blames affluenza on their killing spree. If this show was any more basic it would be an Oprah Chai Latte from Starbucks. I have trouble feeling sympathy for characters who live in celebrity mansions and post harmful videos of their friends all over the internet.

 

8.Monologues

Most episodes will feature at least one scene in which geek boy Noah (aka New Randy) turns to the camera to tell the audience everything they already know. This is like subtitles for stupid people who can’t understand an already basic plot.

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  1. Stupidity

Example: Episode 7, Brooke: Oh you have a knife in your chest? Here let me pull it out without considering the fact that I could accidentally cut something important like an artery or your heart.

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  1. DAISY!

If the actress who plays Emma’s mother were anymore bland, she would be cauliflower or Elle Fanning in Maleficent. She’s supposed to be the former love interest of a deceased serial killer so the least she could do is have some facial expression when she receives a heart in the mail.

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Will Scream: The TV Series do better in its second season? Watch MTV this Monday at 11 PM EST.

Mother Knows Worst: The Top 10 Killer Horror Moms

Mother knows best…unless someone ends up with a knife in their back. Not all moms can be as perfectly peachy as Carol Brady or as tolerant as Marge Simpson. Some mothers are actually quite terrifying. To celebrate Mother’s Day, here’s a list of the Top 10 Horror Mothers.


10.Mrs.Loomis (Scream 2)

Some mothers will do almost anything for their children, however, this mother goes even further. After her son, Billy Loomis, is killed by Sidney Prescott in the first Scream movie, Mrs. Loomis concocts an elaborate scheme to avenge her son’s death by posing as a news reporter and murdering everyone of Sidney friends. She even pays one of Sidney’s classmates tuition, so he can help murder her, that’s some serious dedication.

 

9.Amelia (The Babadook)

Let’s face it, some kids can be annoying little pricks especially when they start screaming their heads off about imaginary monsters that seek to kill their parents. Amelia is not the greatest mother in the world especially when she reads her son a terrifying book about monsters who cause parents to murder their children and then tries to murder him. All her son wants is a birthday party and to be protected from the evil Babadook, is that too much to ask for?

 

8.Bathsheba Sherman (The Conjuring)

Here’s a mother that should have had social services call on her a long time ago. Bathsheba is a real witch, so much in fact that she drives a needle into her baby’s skull and proclaims her love for Satan.Wouldn’t a goat be more efficient? But that’s not enough for Bathsheba because she has to keep coming back from the dead to terrorize other families too. Jerry Springer would have a field day with this one.

 

7.Chris MacNeil (The Exorcist)

Chris MacNeil deserves a trophy for staying home in order to care for her sick daughter, Reagan.Some children get chicken poxs, some get the flu, but Reagan gets possessed by Satan. It takes a lot of guts to battle the dark forces of evil. Chris MacNeil continues to fight for her daughter despite everyone else’s insistence that Regan be institutionalized. She could have just made chicken soup for her daughter, but instead she calls an exorcist.

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6.Rosemary Woodhouse (Rosemary’s Baby)

Pregnancy can either be the happiest or most painful time of woman’s life, for Rosemary Woodhouse, it’s the latter. Rosemary experiences all the usual symptoms of pregnancy nausea, weird cravings, demonic hallucinations. Unlike most mothers, Rosemary is forced by a cult of kooks into giving birth to the anti-christ. What is it with horror moms and Satan?

 

  1. Martha Thomas (Sleepaway Camp)

Martha Thomas is one of the most bizarre mothers out of the bunch, she’s also a terrific humanitarian. Out of the goodness of her heart, she adopts her nephew, Peter Baker after his dad and sister are killed in a horrific boating accident. Martha takes Peter in an forcibly dresses him up to be the daughter she’s always wanted, how sweet. Of course Martha’s actions cause Peter to grow up to be the murderous camp counselor killer, Angela Baker. Years of psycho-sexual trauma had turned Angela/Peter into a very happy camper. Martha Thomas gives all pageant mom’s a run for their money, sorry Momma June.Think her parenting skills are wrong? Well that “simply will not do”!

 

4.Margaret White (Carrie)

Most mothers just want their daughters to be happy, but all Margaret White wants is to prevent her daughter Carrie from unleashing hell on earth with her telekinetic powers. Margaret is an old fashioned psycho that makes all stereotypical Catholic nuns look like Maria Von Trapp from The Sound of Music. Her philosophy is use the rod, beat the child and she does just that. If Carrie had just heeded her mother’s advice, the entire town of Chamberlain, Maine might not have been burned down.

 

3.The Other Mother (Coraline)

All she wanted was a sweet, innocent daughter whom she could give the world to and eventually devour. The Other Mother just wants to do what she thinks is best for her “daughter” Coraline, even if that means violently sewing buttons into her eyes. How many mothers out there would build an entire dream world for their daughter to live in? Actually, the Other Mother is quite creepy and no one should trust any of the food that she cooks, however, gorgeous her cooking might be.

 

2.Pamela Voorhees (Friday the 13th- 1980)

Mrs.Voorhees takes the phrase “overprotective mother” to an entirely new level. After horny camp counselors let her deformed son Jason drown, Mrs.Voorhees leads a crusade to destroy Camp Crystal Lake. Some people might have just petitioned to have Camp Crystal Lake shut down, but Mrs.Voorhees takes matters into her own hands by murdering every camp counselor at Camp Crystal Lake. She’s a mother that would do anything for her son, including murdering horny teenagers. Jason makes her proud by following in her footsteps.

 

1.Norma Bates (Psycho/ Bates Motel)

And the winner of the Smother of the Year award goes to… Norma Bates! The ultimate helicopter mom who follows her son wherever he goes. Let’s face it, kids screw up sometimes and Norman Bates is the biggest screwup of them all. Not many mothers would passionately love their sons to the point where they would help them get away with murder Despite Norman’s objections, Norma’s killer instincts know what’s best for him even if that means keeping Norman locked up in a creepy motel for eternity.


Honorable Mentions: Fiona Goode (American Horror Story: Coven), Mama (Mama), Wendy Torrance (The Shining) and  Marge Thompson (A Nightmare on Elm Street- 1984)

The Conjuring Spin-off As Wooden As It’s Doll

 

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WARNING, POSITIVELY DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.

Annabelle the Doll’s new movie, Annabelle, is as transparent as the glass case in which she currently resides. Annabelle was first introduced in The Conjuring as a possessed doll who terrorizes two nurses, an actual case investigated  by the famous demon hunting couple Ed and Lorraine Warren. With the success of The Conjuring, a spin-off/sequel was inevitable. Annabelle is an origin story depicting all the events leading up to her big appearance in The Conjuring.

The film begins with the same two nurses from The Conjuring describing their experience with Annabell to Ed and Lorraine Warren, the only scene the demon hunters are featured in. The film then jumps back to the life of a married couple in 1970’s suburbia. Mia (Annabelle Wallis) and her husband John (Ward Horton) are expecting a baby, they live a devout Christian life in a quaint Levittown like neighborhood, all is perfect until Annabelle arrives. To celebrate Mia’s pregnancy, John gives her yet another creepy wooden doll, Annabelle, to add to her unhealthy collection of dolls. Later that night, two Manson Family wannabes go on a killing spree around Mia’s neighborhood which ends with both killers being shot to death in Mia’s bedroom and Annabelle getting possessed by Satan. There is pretty much no reason to continue watching this film after this point. The rest of the film is just loaded with unintentionally funny dialogue, tiresome jump scares and cliches, without a good plot to justify them.  Annabelle Wallis is decent enough in her role as Mia, the supporting cast is adequate as well but somehow their characters always seem to fall flat, lacking conviction.

Both Annabelle and The Conjuring borrow heavily from other horror movies, the only difference is that The Conjuring actually used its material effectively. Annabelle borrows from movies such as Scream, Paranormal Activity, Rosemary’s Baby, Child’s Play and even Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers. Annabelle throws its plot devices around all helter skelter without giving them any purpose.

What made The Conjuring so enjoyable was its use of a technique called “the anti-jump scare”. The Conjuring was loaded with scenes that seemed like they were building up to a jump scare, but didn’t. An example of this technique is in a scene with Mr. Perron, the patriarch of the Perron Family, investigating a noise he hears late at night. He wakes up in his office after hearing a door slam, he slowly makes his way to the kitchen, only to realize that it was only the wind blowing the door open, nothing harmful. These scenes help to conceal the actual jump scares in the film, making them less predictable. Annabelle uses no such technique and instead favors more traditional jump scares. Mia goes down into a basement to put away a decoration, a baby carriage appears out of nowhere, a scary demon jumps out at her, this is pretty much how all scare scenes are carried out.

With so much material to work with Annabelle butchers every opportunity it has to be a creative film. The 1970’s setting already provides a lot of historical content to work with but Annabelle fails to take advantage of the nostalgia, it only skims the surface of its potential. This is the era of The Brady Bunch, 8-tracks, Bell Bottoms, ABBA and Richard Nixon, how could the directors ignore these horrors? Maybe because James Wan wasn’t directing the film. Once again Annabelle chucks in a few 1970’s nods but not with purpose. A few 70’s outfits here, a few songs there, throw in a reference to Charles Manson and boom, there is still nothing to distinguish this film from any other. Annabelle lacks the believability and imagination  required to tell a good ghost story.

Although this film is not based on a true story like The Conjuring was, the writers of the Annabelle should have still consulted with Lorraine Warren, like James Wan did, to get more information about demons and the occult. The fun of The Conjuring was knowing that it was based on something real. There is very little connection to The Conjuring in this film, Annabelle forgets its roots. The demons shown in Annabelle look exactly like Lipstick-Face from Insidious, it may as

However bad the movie may be Annabelle proves superior to The Conjuring in only one category: Cinematography. James Kniest skillfully establishes the perfect scene composition in all his shots. He uses the space effectively, placing certain portions of background out of focus, this helps to displace the viewers attention away from where the actual jump scares are going to occur. The only enjoyable aspect of the film is a really nice touch added by Kniest, the inclusion of a Raggedy Ann doll in the final scene of the film, a wise nod to the real life Annabelle doll who is a Raggedy Ann doll.

Even good camera shots are not enough to save Annabelle from the bowels of Hell. Annabelle is a victim of plot holes, cliches, unintentional humor, flat acting and horrible animation. Annabelle should stay on the shelf where she belongs.


The Final Verdict: If you have to watch Annabelle, wait until you find her in the $3.99 discount bin at Walmart.