What to Expect From a Season of American Horror Story

Every year Ryan Murphy releases a new installment of the hit horror anthology, American Horror Story. Each season is set in a new time, with a new story and a new set of characters with settings ranging from a spooky “Murder House” to a 1960’s “Insane Asylum” to a “Coven” in New Orleans and recently a freakshow in Florida, each season has it’s own jenesaisquoi.  Recently there has been much talk over possible connections between seasons of Ryan Murphy’s hit horror anthology, American Horror Story.  Fans are now eagerly anticipating the return of a certain Nun who got possessed by Satan in season. While each season is entirely different, there are many similarities between them as well. Here’s a list of What to Expect From a Season of American Horror Story:

1.Music.

2.Butts.

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Dandya

3.Non-sexy nurses.

 

 

4.Weird sex scenes.

5.Dismemberment.

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6.Disgusting Food.

7.Out of place guest stars.

 

8.Jessica Lange being bitchy.

9.Serial Killers with Mommy Issues

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10. Some freaky mascot.

Gotta love AHS!

nigel

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Real Life Horror #1:

Real Life Horror #1:

Two twelve-year old girls try to commit a murder, inspired by Slenderman. Of all the places this could happened in, this incident occurred Ed Gein’s home state, Wisconsin. This reminds me of a quote from the popular 90’s film Scream, “Movies don’t create psychos, movies make psychos more creative”

FOR RENT: The Next Door Psycho

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    When I was twelve, my aunt and I moved into what we thought to be the apartment of our dreams. Unfortunately the dream was to good to be true and the apartment turned out to be an apartment from hell owned by a very psychotic landlord. For five years we lived above a mentally unstable man who constantly terrorized us. The experience was like something out of Stephen King’s horror classic, The Shining. I am currently writing a book about our experience entitled For Rent. This is a passage from the book:

    “PARADISE is painted canvas that sometimes has a dirt coating smeared beneath its oily strokes. From a far, paradise is a painting of a beautiful eggshell white house, with a large, unreasonably flawless, green backyard, protected by a wall of the most royal looking violet flowers one could ever lay eyes upon. Up close paradise isn’t as aligned to ones dreams as it may have seemed. Paradise is now the outside of a once beautiful house, peeling away as if it were slowly being ripped apart by the shadows of  a cold winters morning. It is a weathered yard, dry and lifeless like the spine of a washed up animal corpse. It has flowers that turn to  thorns and prick you when your back is turned. That is what paradise became when my Aunt and I moved into a house we assumed was our dream home. In reality it was a home for nightmares and our landlord was the boogeyman that ushered our fears inside. Those fears continue to haunt us to this day.

            I often watch shows on the Discovery Channel about landlords living with crazy tenants, but I never see a show where the tenants were living with a crazy landlord. Generally tenants are able to escape such living situations before they escalate. My aunt and I were not so fortunate, for five miserable years we were stuck with an unstable psycho who made Jack Torrence from The Shining look like Bambi. Our friends are often left astonished when we tell them about what it was like living with a madman, they cannot believe how we survived. From the moment we left Milford, Massachusetts to live in Newton, Massachusetts, we were doomed…”

I Heart ♥ Horror! The Hilarious If Not Traumatic Tale Of How I Came To Love All Things Horror

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Small children don’t watch horror films for a reason. I have never figured out what this reason is. I have been fascinated with the horror genre since I was three  and no I am not a serial killer. My love of horror began at such an early age. I remember Halloween being a happy time. My father and I would always decorate the house and then go trick or treating, the whole enchilada. Most of my days were spent from 6am to 7pm at a trashy daycare center, which is a very long time for a child to be held captive. I didn’t see my dad a lot because he was busy working towards his next six pack. Halloween was such a happy time for me because it meant that I would be seeing more of my dad, I got to have fun for a change. Daycare sucked, kids were mean, teachers were mean. Halloween was nice.

I freaked pre-school teachers out with my fascination with ghosts and the beyond. I had an imaginary ghost friend, for a month or two. While other kids were obsessed with Teletubbies and The Magic School Bus, I obsessed over Casper the Friendly Ghost and Chucky, mainly because we didn’t have cable, only VHS tapes. I actually ended up being placed with the big kids who came to the after school program, this was so I wouldn’t traumatize the other three year olds.

When I was four, I went to live with my aunt. I still lived in the same town. I ended up switching to a “better” pre-school. I freaked out a very religious teacher by talking about ghosts and she tried to sprinkle holy water on me during nap time to rid me of bad juju. She wouldn’t even let me play with the other kids at times. I didn’t know that I had “abnormal interests”, I was four years old.

My aunt was even surprised when I wanted to go as Ghostface for Halloween, I had gone as Pikachu the year before. Ghostface was a huge step up on the costume ladder. The next year I really pushed my limits by trick or treating as a bloody version of Jason Voorhees. After that Halloween, my aunt decided that I would go as Harry Potter the next year and the years after that.

Me Age 2- Clowns were all the rage in the 90's.

Me Age 2- Clowns were all the rage in the 90’s.

Me Age 3- I sometimes slept in this damn thing.

Me Age 3- I sometimes slept in this damn thing.

Me Age 4- My head was too tiny for this mask!

Me Age 4- My head was too tiny for this mask!

Me Age 5- The people of Salem, MA treated me like a celebrity.

Me Age 5- The people of Salem, MA treated me like a celebrity.

My dad and I sometimes celebrated Halloween when it wasn't Halloween.

My dad and I sometimes celebrated Halloween when it wasn’t Halloween. Notice the authentic beach scenery in the background.

 

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Me Age 6- Oh yeah, my aunt went all out on this one.

And again...

And again…

And yet again...

And yet again…

 

I still saw my dad on weekends. We would spend a lot of time at his friend Mary’s house. Mary had a 14 year old son who liked to beat me up, he was like an older brother to me, not a good one. I beat him up sometimes. He was a horror. Mary’s son would tell me that the boogeyman was gonna get me or Hannibal Lecter was going to eat me, all I could say was “REALLY?!?! WHEN?!?!” .

At Mary’s house I got to watch my first rated-R horror flick and that movie was Hannibal (2001). I was six years old and kind of nervous at first but Mary assured me that this film would be just like the Goosebumps show that I watched on TV. Boy was she wrong! I remember that film quite specifically. The man eating boars, Hannibal eating brains and feeding the brains to a Chinese boy on a plane. It was ten times more graphic than Goosebumps. My tiny child mind kind of got bored, it wasn’t a particularly good film and I fell asleep.

The next week Mary, her son, my dad and I watched Halloween 6. Great parenting Dad, great parenting. But if it weren’t for these movies, I wouldn’t have discovered my love for horror. Halloween 6 was the first horror movie to actually scare me. I was paranoid that Michael Myers was gonna get me. He was the first fictional character I saw going after children. To worsen my trauma, my dad also had many friends that looked like Michael Myers.

I didn’t get to watch anymore movies like that until I was ten. I still had Goosebumps and The Bailey School Kids, but that was all kids stuff. I didn’t get scared by much of the mainstream horror. I was fearless around haunted houses and spooky costumes, because they were just that to me.  I loved it all. I even went to Spooky World when I was in third grade, the lines and Radio Disney were what scared me the most. Of course I wasn’t the only kid who got to watch scary things, but I was one of few so that made me a little tougher than most kids my age.

The moment that really caused me to love horror and slightly hate it, happened one night when my Aunt took me to a Laundromat. She asked me to get something from her car. It was dark, the car was very far away, times were different. I ran as fast as I fucking could to that car because I knew that if I didn’t, Michael Myers was going to get me. Fortunately I survived but the experience left me feeling hollow. It also made me realize that I was actually afraid of something and I didn’t want to be. I immediately begged my dad to rent Halloween for me. I got home, popped it into my VCR and watched it. I loved the movie so much and it had absolved me of my fear. The next weekend I saw Freddy vs. Jason. After that I managed to borrow Nightmare on Elm Street from my local library. No librarian questioned the fact that a 10 year old was renting a rated-R horror film. My math teacher caught me and gave me a stern talking to, I managed to convince her that it was for my dad, which was a lie. My dad was very sick with the flu at the time and I ended up watching Freddy’s first rampage all by myself.

Some people might think that it was crazy for me to watch horror movies at a young age, but I had real horrors to deal with growing up so the horror movies alleviated those challenges. They also inspired me to write a blog. I could go on and on about how much the horror genre has shaped my life for the better. I could never hate horror movies because they helped me get over my childhood fears and they inspired my love of books. Horror movies, no matter what critics and psychologists tell you, aren’t all bad, I turned out fine.

Scooby-Doo Meets the Boogeyman: A Scooby/ Michael Myers crossover

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HADDONFIELD, IL- NOV. 1, 1978 12:01AM
The Mystery Machine in all its glory chugged upon the clean manicured main road of Northern Haddonfield Illinois.The driver of this van, Fred Jones, had his mind fixated on a treadmill of asphalt, the rest of his friends were half asleep, as to be expected. His more than close friend Daphne grasped her hands around the outside of his thigh, he felt much warmer with her touch.
“Gee, that music festival sure was groovy” Daphne said.
She had been feeling quite satisfied with herself this evening. She was carelessly sinking in to the front seat cushion of the van. Fred gave her a slight glance for only a moment, followed by a smirk. He then directed his attention back to the road. Shaggy and Scooby, who were nearly passed out, sprawled themselves across the back of the Mystery Machine’s cold metal floor. Scooby had his head gently tucked into Shaggy’s ribs, he looked like an overgrown cat. Shaggy raised his head slightly and turned himself to Daphne. In faded almost whisper like gruff he responded
“Yeah man, Scooby and I certainly had a good time”.
Shaggy reached from beneath him and pulled out a large bag of Cape Cod chips. For a moment he stared at the bag, dumbfounded, he was expecting the bag of chips to magically open and send the contents flying directly into his mouth. Alas these weren’t magic chips and he no longer had a spell book that could grant him that kind of power. With much forced effort Shaggy pulled the bag of chips open by its seem and fondled a huge handful of greasy goodness into his large mouth. Yellow crumbs dribbled down the side of his face and into his goatee, he didn’t care.
“Hey Velms, did you happen to save some of that…uh… cilantro from the music festival?”
Velma Dinkley, the gangs researcher and forensics expert, had half of her upper torso hanging out the window of the clunky vehicle. She had been gazing a circuit board of dancing stars.
She paused from her star gazing expedition.
“Yeah, I had an entire bag of the stuff” She said.
Shaggy threw his head back and began giggling ververently, he was sure that all the teeth in his mouth would turn to jello and fly away.
“Well Velma, I think Scoob might have mistaken some of your spicy biscuits for Scooby snacks”
“Jinkies!” She said cackling much like that old witch they had unmasked last summer in the bayou.
Up ahead, Freddie saw the road sparkling a familiar, blinding blue and red sensation. This was real, he knew it because he was fully awake and had a much sharper sense of awareness than his friends.
“Shaggy, Scooby, I think you better put away your Scooby Snacks, there’s a police block up ahead.
Moments later they had reached the row of wooden blockades reading “Police Line”. Two officers stood in front of the makeshift gate like Buckingham Palace guards. On the front of one of their jackets was a name tag that read “Officer Roberts”. He had held out his hand as if to emit a forcefield.
“Wait” He said.
The other officer circled the van raising a bright light through each of its windows.
He gave Roberts a thumbs up.
Roberts responded “Okay you’re good”.
“Wait, that’s it?” Fred thought.
Officers normally put up a fight whenever they saw teens out driving at night.
Not a single request to see Fred’s license, or for Shaggy to step out of the vehicle and walk in a straight line. This was unusual but also a blessing. Fred rolled down his window and extended his head out to the officer.
“What’s this all about officer?” Fred asked.
“It’s a police matter, we are not allowed to release much information quite yet. All I know is that a crazy man in a mask is running around town scaring the locals”
A very special look spread across Fred’s face, the gang knew it all too well.
With a glisten in his eyes Fred replied
“Well officer, my friends and I are more than qualified to deal with these types of situations”
The officer looks down at him sternly.
“Not this type of situation kid, this isn’t a children’s detective game” He said.
“I understand officer” Fred responded.
“Stay safe, stick together and don’t go snooping around.”
Fred nodded and slowly rolled the window back up. He continued to drive a couple of feet down the road.
“Well?” Velma said.
“Are we going to do what he said”
“Staying safe, sticking together and not snooping are all phrases that I am not familiar with Velma. It looks we have another mystery on our hands gang.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

What Could These Two Images Possibly Have In Common?

 

 

Blog of Horrors is back from its prolonged spring break (sorry about that, school is hard)

Coming soon: Scooby-Doo meets Michael Myers! 

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An actual crossover between the beloved children’s show and the 1970’s slasher icon. After attending a “music festival” to score some “cooking spices”,  Mystery Inc. encounters a new type of masked foe that may or may not be the recently escaped psycho, Michael Myers. Will Mystery Inc. be able to set a trap for this slasher or will they just add to the growing body count?